This is as an indictment of myself.
I have a difficult time keeping my mouth shut. The greatest interpersonal problems that I have had in my life were caused either by blurting something out without pausing to consider what I was saying, or worse, violating someone's confidence. When I have violated the confidence of people, it is generally implied confidence where they have not specifically asked me to keep my mouth shut, but I should've known better.
Also, by babbling, when I do have something significant to say, the signal is often lost in the noise.
One of the biggest gains that I have made this year is not criticizing people behind their backs. I still catch myself doing it occasionally, but I am very conscious of it and feel ashamed if something slips out.
I am trying to train myself to embrace silence. I turn to the advice of the Stoics and Spartans on this matter.
I have a difficult time keeping my mouth shut. The greatest interpersonal problems that I have had in my life were caused either by blurting something out without pausing to consider what I was saying, or worse, violating someone's confidence. When I have violated the confidence of people, it is generally implied confidence where they have not specifically asked me to keep my mouth shut, but I should've known better.
Also, by babbling, when I do have something significant to say, the signal is often lost in the noise.
One of the biggest gains that I have made this year is not criticizing people behind their backs. I still catch myself doing it occasionally, but I am very conscious of it and feel ashamed if something slips out.
I am trying to train myself to embrace silence. I turn to the advice of the Stoics and Spartans on this matter.
“For as the Celtiberians make steel of iron by burying it in the ground, thereby to refine it from the gross and earthy part, so the Laconic way of speech has nothing of bark upon it, but by cutting off all superfluity of words, it becomes steeled and sharpened to pierce the understanding of the hearers. So their consciousness of language, so ready to turn the edge to all manner of questions, became natural by their extraordinary practice of silence.” -Plutarch
“… they conceal their wisdom, and pretend to be ignorant, so that they may seem to be superior only because of their prowess in battle … This is how you may know that I am speaking the truth and that the Spartans are the best educated in philosophy and speaking: if you talk to any ordinary Spartan, he seems to be stupid, but eventually, like an expert marksman, he shoots in some brief remark that proves you to be only a child" -Socrates in Plato's Dialog Protagoras
"In answer to the ambassador from Abdera, who, after winding up a long discourse, asked him what report he should make to his people at home, he said, "Report that during all the time you wanted to speak I listened in silence.” -Agis son of Arcidamus
"Be silent for the most part, or, if you speak, say only what is necessary and in a few words. Talk, but rarely, if occasion calls you, but do not talk of ordinary things - of gladiators or horses races or athletes or of meats or drinks - these are topics that arise everywhere - but above all do not talk about men in blame or compliment or comparison. If you can, turn the conversation of your company by your talk to some fitting subject; but if you should chance to be isolated among strangers, be silent. Do not laugh much, nor at many things, nor without restraint." - Marcus Aurelius "Meditations"
"You do not seem to realize that he who knows how to speak knows also the right time for speaking.” -Archidamidus
When a public lecturer spoke at considerable length about bravery, he burst out laughing and when the man said, "Why do you laugh, Cleomenes, at hearing a man speak about bravery, and that, too, when you are a king?" "Because, my friend," he said, "if it had been a swallow speaking about it, I should have done the same thing, but if it had been an eagle, I should have kept very quiet.” -Plutarch
